The death (and hopefully rebirth) of a blog

Well, its been nine weeks since my last entry. Much has happened, much is the same.

The most entertaining thing so far about this experiment has been reading old posts, and being sick with myself for the emotions I expressed and my writing style, just as I will look back on this post in three months and say, you can't talk about your own posts in your own blog!!!!

I think the blog might be headed for a shift. I started about two months after I quit my job as Middle School Youth Director for a moderately large suburban church in Houston. The blog started as a discussion starter for a group of friends I had been conversing with over the internet (real friends, just in different places now). The blog was a terrible failure at its first purpose, so I switched gears, and in my usual self-absorbed fashion made it into something all about me.

The chronicles of a guy, who at first struggled with all of his might to avoid postmodernism, love, and truth. He of course failed. Well, somewhat... you get the point (is there a point?).

So, now to the present. I have accepted a job working vocationally for my faith community. It was really a struggle for me to decide when I was offered. It was very much a dream job for me, which made me think twice about it. Was I ready to serve vocationally again? Was my hiring reinforcing poor church staff decisions? and awful church staff models?

See, I have a problem with the model of, "this person volunteers a lot around here, so lets hire them." I was worried that I myself was falling into this group. I have had some amazing friends, far more learned in living life as Christ would have us who did not vocationally work for churches. That was counterintuitive at the time. If you were good at God, then you should work for a church...

After careful deliberation I accepted the job. I start in two weeks. I am very excited, and very scared...

Because I know myself. I know its hard for me to say no. I know I get too busy. I know sometimes I deny myself a little too much. I don't know if its even because I love people that much, I think a lot of it is that I think that is an irreversible part of my personality.

See, I've been doing a lot of thinking about personality redemption. About the way God moves in the world in general. Can personalities be redeemed, or do we just try to deal the best with what we are dealt?

Can mental disease be cured through relationships? medicine? I know there is therapy that works, but where is the line? When is a condition too severe for redemption? I have two friends (well actually a heckuva lot more, come on, thousands read my blog). One is a diagnosed bi-polar (not sure what type, though I would think type II) with a Scott-diagnosed case of histrionic personality disorder, the other is a homeless, crack addicted late thirties man, who is also caught up in the sex trade.

How much can either of these men's personalities be redeemed. We can talk about dopamine receptors, we can talk about homosexuality... but what can we hope for? what can we strive for? Do we just "wait for God to change them"? I don't know how much I believe in that. People are changed by concrete experiences (or misperceptions of them). If I repeatedly tell someone that they are worthless, and act like it as well, it will affect them.

So what is the hope for my friends? I am not content with waiting for change, I am content with patiently being change. Love is healing. I can see it. Love is redeeming both of these men. The only problem is, I only have so much love before I am exhausted. I cannot do it on my own. And others don't seem to love these men. (which is probably why I do). I'm not saying its easy, loving these guys can be downright depressing... I am saying its necessary, and not just for me to do it, but for me to raise up others to do it as well.

So now that I have learned, how do I teach others? Is it even my place to assume I'm supposed to? I have long known that experience and relationships lead to knowledge much more true than knowledge learned through study (not that study is bad). So I guess I start with teaching my friends, and then they teach theirs.

Before you know it, the alternative lifestyle of love will be redeeming the whole world!

For now, I'm just hoping I can get my act together, and learn to rest. If I am truly learning how to best live, then my personality is changing, hopefully constantly. If it isn't, if I am the same person two years from now, or even two months from now, then I am not living as a disciple. The beauty of community is that we grow together, our personalities are changing together.




A few notes of business, the reborn blog will hopefully follow my journey back into vocational ministry (with a twist). Next week I'll explain more about the job. Finally, I think I'm going to start ending every post with a benediction, if it isn't attributed, then its my own creation.

This weeks is from a church in Clear Lake

“May this great God who called you…
Keep you broken enough to mend others. Keep you hungry enough to feed others. Keep you wandering enough to find the lost. Keep you secure enough to present the truth. Keep you out enough to see the broken. Keep you real enough to be touched by the hurting. Keep you sensitive enough to feel the others pain. Keep you weak enough to reach out to the strong. Keep you strong enough to reach the weak."