First I want to apologize to all of the Snod Bloggins fans out there. All 1.5 million of you. Ok, more like 1.5 of you. I have not blogged for nearly two days now. I guess that's really not that long. I also want to apologize because this is a nearly impossible to read post. Good luck trying. My heart was trying to say something. I'm not sure I know what.

I am in a weird season as you have all been aware of. I feel the need to do. To do something. To do anything. But I don't do. We never do...do. (Ha, I said doodoo) So how do we break the cycle? Kierkegaard's quote is still burning a hole in me. I am described perfectly by a man who lived nearly two hundred years before me.

Typing that depresses me. If we haven't changed in 200 years, or even 2000 years will we ever? Are we moving forward? at all?

But even with all of this pessimism I can't not do. I have to do. But I don't do.

And now we're back to the start.

We think. We study. We know. We don't do.

What a terrible formula. We view this like a chemical reaction. Add some ideas, a little conviction, some study, some knowledge, and it yields doing.

The thought process is that we must understand to do. I don't know if that is true. Did the disciples understand? Cause they ask some stupid questions if they did. But they did do. And they didn't do. But at least they did do sometimes.

I don't know if doing is the cake we get from a recipe. I think that these are all important and equal aspects of a healthy life.

Maybe we have just been hiding behind thinking, studying, and knowing this whole time like Kierkegaard says. Maybe we don't want to do after all. Maybe the sacrifice is too much. Too much to save a dying child. Too much to help a woman out of prostitution. Too much to minister to war crimes victims. Maybe we say we want to do, but we don't. After all, if we did want to, we would... right?

We talk ourselves out of doing. We ignore (which is an ignored sin in itself). We avoid. We devalue people. We justify (unjustly).

We're too busy. Too far away. Too different. Too weak. Too small. Too insignificant to make a difference.


It's funny, I'm starting to find that true community is very common in homeless or poor people. People who don't have. Community is rare where people have what they need. "Why would we ever need someone else when we can provide everything for ourselves?" The beauty of community is that it makes life easier on everyone. A beauty we have lost as we preach our gospel of self-sufficiency and financial independence. "Please, let us get more so we can learn to rely on ourselves more. "

Where did we go wrong? How do we get back? Can we get back? Can we do anything?

I don't know.


But I have to try.


Its all I can do.