I think I'll let this quote from my friend ministering in India speak for itself.



so i was hanging out with Babai and we had a great conversation comparing our cultures. His mother greeted me with a cup of coffee as soon as i arrived, they catch on quick here ;). i drank my coffee and told babai that in my country (again, texas) that folks pay up to $5.00 for a cup of coffee. We then converted that to rupees and babai was shocked! I then said, that's nothing! Some people spent thousands of dollars on coffee a year, and that's just coffee.

this then lead to other things that americans spend thousands of dollars on. i told him my car cost 15,000 and he converted that and could not even believe it!!! He told me that i must be soooo rich. I smiled and said, "that's just it babai, my car is probably one of the cheapest cars you can buy in america" then i told him about SUV's and how much they cost, and then BMW's and other cars that really people get as a sign of status. he couldn't believe it.

he said, " blossom, you move here and you will be most richest person in all INDIA" I smiled on the outside but was crying on the inside. So sweet. So...

i kept going. i told him about ridiculous things we buy and spend money on, like dog food and dog freakin clothes. like manicures and pedicures and entertainment and food. then i told him about julia roberts and how much money she makes for doing one film, maybe not even working for a whole year, and she gets like 30 million dollars. I told him imagine what 30 million dollars could do for the people of india. I don't know, i cried when i got back to my flat. I thought of how when i was sick that it would have taken SO LITTLE to make me feel better, to make me feel loved, to heal me, to save my life at that moment. Then i thought of how little it would take for the rest of us in the world to give that could do all those things for the people here and other places where peoples' basic needs are not being met. it's like chris seay says, consumerism is our problem! thinking we never have enough while people here have absolutely nothing and are dying. DISGUSTING! I'm sick thinking about it because i know I live that way. I'm guilty.

Transsubstitution

Let me clear up a few things here first. This has nothing to do with the Eucharist (well it might end up there some crazy way), and it does not mean I teach in the drag.

It does mean that I like to think I cross(thus the trans) the boundaries of substituting (not in an inappropriate way).

I thoroughly enjoy it. It also makes me enough cash to pay most of my bills until i find full time work (which couldn't be soon enough for my dad :)

Where I cross the lines of subbing is when I make an impact on the students.

Today two amazing, independent conversations about poverty and the affluence of Kingwood happened without my instigation. I of course took part in them. And managed to indoctrinate the youth of Kingwood with my communist, hippie gospel.

Teaching has become a sacred, holy thing to me lately. I look forward to having a great impact on a group of youth on a daily basis. Youth ministry was ok, I got to influence students, but the one thing you will never change is the fact that you only have students who want to be there. School seems like more of a challenge. I can show why faith is important. Why the way Christ teaches us to live is the best way to live life. And it has nothing to do about competing religions, rather the completion of the circle to bring us back to Shalom.

I am not sure if I have addressed the topic of Shalom here yet.

Basically Shalom is the idea of completeness. Its a little bit hard to explain in english. (not that i speak any other language) essentially it means a peaceful completeness. It is something you would wish upon your friends and family. It is still a common greeting to say Peace be upon you (Shalom Aleichem). Using this greeting is wishing upon someone that they might be complete (often complete with God).

When Christ uses this greeting as he sends of the bleeding woman whom he has just healed (Mk 5) he is not just saying goodbye. The statement is loaded with theological concepts.

Levitical purity laws required the separation of a menstruating woman from society. There were all sorts of rules about it. The woman was not considered to be bad, or evil, she was just ritually unclean during this time, and any contact with her would defile you. Because of this the women were forced to live outside of the city while menstruating.

So now imagine yourself as this woman who has been bleeding for twelve years. She would have been removed from society except some limited contact with doctors. Forced to live alone. Every day she probably sat within sight of the village, and watched as people lived their lives. She sneaks up behind Christ in a crowd and touches the fringe of his garment (remember contact with this woman would have made Jesus ritually unclean). She eventually comes forward to admit to touching him and he sends her off wishing her Shalom. On that day he told her that her faith had saved her. There we have Shalom with God. At the same time she was healed from her bleeding and was able to be a part of society again. He was wishing her a completeness with community again as well.

Shalom is such a beautiful concept. If more of us were seeking Shalom, and wishing it upon other people, you have to wonder if Christianity might look a little less judgemental.

This Incredible Journey

The language of Christianity as a journey has been popular for some time now. I imagine it got really big in the 60s and 70s with all of those hippie freaks (I love hippies). The post-modern/emergent movements have used it much as well. I had heard it, and I guess I thought I understood it, even though I still looked at christianity with sin reconciliation as its primary focus. I thought I got it.

I didn't.

I have been changing lately. Absorbing as much info as possible. Listening to my "spiritual guides." Reading scripture (but not enough). Discussing with other christians.

Its been really neat. I read, I think, I discuss, our discussion takes us somewhere else, I figure something out, but not quite all the way. It just doesn't sit will with me. Then in the reading I do the next day the very question is answered and to my satisfaction. It's been uncanny.

So things are stalling a little bit on the whole Logos community thing. I haven't really plugged in to the group yet, though I will next week. I am desperate to start this community, I just fear that the group isn't headed toward action soon enough for my demands :) I haven't found a job for next semester yet, got some good leads but nothing definite. I'm so disconnected here in KDub that it hurts.

I train thursday for volunteering at Taft Coffee. I'm pumped! And then the new members meeting is soon after. I hope some of my favorite people at the church are involved in it. If not I'm sure I'll meet some new favorite people.

Thats all for now.

I'm reading Chasing Daylight (formerly Seizing your Diving Moment) by Erwin McManus. I'll chat about it later this week.

"...with a holy kiss."

Romans 16:16 "Greet one another with a a holy kiss."

Now I don't think we should go around making out in Jesus name (actually I do) but where did this practice go.

If you know anything about me you know I think that the bible is contextual. I don't believe it is limited by anything. After all it is the revelation of God and how dare we say God is limited in any way.

I do believe that there are mistakes in scripture. Not mistakes in the Truth (with a capital T), but mistakes that were caused by the human agency involved in writing them.

Back to the subject. So if scripture is contextual then that would mean that we don't have to take this passage literally to mean we should do the same. If we do a study of the culture at the time, we find that kisses were a common greeting. Like everything else "unique" to Christianity this was a practice stolen from Roman culture and "twisted" to make it new, and Christian. Paul adds holiness to the greeting kiss.

I really have no idea how a kiss is holy. The word holy means set apart for religious purpose, or relating to the divine. I guess it just means it was set apart as a greeting between believers. Who knows. The question is: What happened to this?

It is still common in European, and especially Mediterranean cultures for men and women alike to greet each other with a kiss (or multiple kisses!). In America that is lost. Why?

My thought is that we have become an isolationist country in every way possible. For a while we wanted nothing to do with any other countries. No treaties, high tariffs, embargoes. Then we realized we could financially benefit from other countries and trade. So we opened trade up some, but still limited it to benefit us (this is a whole other blog).

We value individualism. The man who can succeed on his own without any help receives all of the glory and is measured higher than team workers.

Getting help is a sign of weakness. If you accept help you are admitting to your own imperfection. Maybe rather than value isolationism we just worship it as a result of self-perfection.

This has led to many many many unhappy people. It separates us from each other, drives us to find community in other ways, or numb our brains to avoid the pain. It teaches us to hide our imperfections and act happy. It means that the needy (in whatever way) live with needs unmet.

It means that we separate ourselves from one of God's most powerful forms of revelation. It means we cannot follow God's will to the fullest. It means we kill Church (with a big C).

It leads to depression. It leads to mental illness. It leads to crime. It leads to crises of faith. It leads us to rely on ourselves and deny God's will.

How do we move from isolationism to community?

With a holy kiss. Greet the next christian you see with a fat smooch on the kisser.


or not...

At my church we have the obligatory meet your neighbor period after the invocation and before the second worship set. (I don't think you can call it worship without the meet 'n greet) One of the deacons recently brought up a great point (very passionately I might add!). We spend maybe 30-45 seconds greeting our "neighbors." This often ends up being the time we chit chat with our friends we are sitting with. Ziggy (the deacon) said that this is entirely too little time, and suggested we start increasing the time every week until we feel more comfortable with the time range.

How much can you get to know 4 or 5 people in 45 seconds? I am terrible with names, but usually if I learn something about you, I will remember your name. I don't have time to chat when I'm meeting 5 people in 45 seconds!

Increasing the time was a brilliant idea. But it is a very small solution to a very large problem (we have to start somewhere). You cannot create community. You can love, and you can try to show other people how to love.

So community went down the drain, and we realize that. Where do we go from here?

It's amazing what listening can do for you

Lately I have been trying to focus on listening rather than just hearing. I have realized that I often hear and don't listen.

It all boils down to our need to feel important. I want people to listen to me, to engage me, to show me that they value me. I want to be valued. So I want people to listen to me. The problem is, I become so focused on having something to say that is worth listening to that I stop listening to other people. I start hearing them.

I do care about other people. I think. If I do, I will listen to them. But listening hasn't ended just as a practice with my friends.

I am trying to listen to everything in my life. Nature, culture, scripture, community, etc.

I was in my car on the way to the airport on Wednesday. I was listening to an album I have listened to a thousand times. It was a regular on my iPod. This time I actually listened to the words.

The album is Soma Holiday by Greenwheel

The song that hit me on my way to the airport was Shelter.

You can listen to the song on their website but here are the lyrics.


Shelter
Soma Holiday (2002 Island Release)

Consumed by this greedy disposition
I give no thanks for all that’s been given to me
I’m so concerned with selfish ambition
I see what I want and look past what I need
Its time to forget myself
Tell me where to find shelter
somewhere here
Impatience takes its toll
It’s such a hefty fare for me to pay
Indifference takes control
I guess I’ll keep that outside at bay
I don’t care if I ever change


I have been living this song for the past 4 years. I realize my problems. I even see some solutions. But the solutions seem so far off. And impatience does take its toll. And it is a hefty fare to pay, not following God's will. And then, just as in the song, I become indifferent and push the solutions away and ignore the problems.

I have been burning for the homeless and oppressed since I graduated from high school. Actually living in Austin was my first experience with the homeless and oppressed. Since then I have seen the poverty, and seen the affluence around me, and in my life. I know what I need to do. I need to simplify, get rid of all of the possessions I worship and misuse. God trusted me as a steward of a misproportionate amount of his blessings, and I buried them in a field for myself on another day.

I know the solution is not just denying myself the pleasure of "things." I know that the true solution will involved me simplifying and learning to enjoy the things I keep. Another part will be learning to enjoy people more than I enjoy things. Finally being a good steward of the things I do have will allow me to enjoy them fully while using them to care for the needs of God's creation.

So I commit to see past what I want and not miss what I need.

It's time to forget myself.

Living Sunday to Sunday

I'm drowning on weekdays, thriving on Sundays.

For the second time in my life I look forward to church. It was never that big of a hassle, and I enjoyed many parts of it, but I never felt like I do now. Now if I miss a Sunday I feel like I've missed out. If I miss church I've left my congregation to walk this journey on their own. I've skipped our normal meeting place and been off on my own. I could be even with them on the path, but I've lost them. Most likely I'm falling behind.

It' a great place to be though. I desparately yearn for communion with my congregation family.

Now as I am in Wichita with family I am sad. Not just because I am without that congregation family I love so much at home, but because I just don't have the same relationship with my family. My family is great, I have been amazingly blessed to have them, and I love them. This is nothing against them. I own the blame just as they do. I just wonder if it will change, and how to do it?

I'll leave you utterly confused and a little upset, and move on to the next post.

Apologies and Community

Seems like every post starts with an apology these days.

My last post was troubled, and incoherent. The best kind of post!

I am beginning to understand that sometimes we must plunge in, sometimes baby steps might get us there the safest. I know that if/when I decide to join a group moving into a poor neighborhood that it will be a plunge, but for now I need to take baby steps.

I am going to reveal some info that makes me sound like I'm tooting my horn, but understand that the info just reveals God moving in my life, and has nothing to do with me.

I gave my piano to Ecclesia today. If you haven't already crapped your pants it's because you don't know about me and my piano. She is a Korg Triton LE88. When people come over they call it a keyboard, or synthesizer... pshhhhh. Its either just a piano (for simplicity's sake) or its a digital music workstation. But it is even so much more than that. It has a billion sounds on it, and they're all editable. You can record on it, or record with it. It has a flawless grand piano and is weighted perfectly like one. She's light enough for one person to carry, but heavy enough to feel valuable. She carries the bass tones like nothing I have ever heard. She was beautiful, and other than blogging was my greatest artistic output.

Tonight I gave her to my church, Ecclesia, and here is the story. When I decided to simplify my life the piano was the first thing I knew had to go. I spent 1800 on her, plus around 350 on peripherals. That is just too much. Well I was hoping to get around 1k for the whole shebang. I had decided that I would buy my macbook with the proceeds of the sale. (see I had decided that the only nice things I would have would be a macbook and a cell phone, seeing as they are the more necessary of technological items)

Well I was sending an email to the technology pastor at my church about helping out with sound and powerpoint and about giving them a mic I don't use any more. Of course I put in a plug about selling my piano for him to shop around. I felt like a jerk all day after I did it. Well a few days later (saturday night) I get an email from him saying they are having a guest worship leader and that she was looking for a piano to use at ecclesia that night (she had traveled in). Of course I said yes and brought it down for church tonight. One of the tech guys was making jokes about me leaving the piano for Ecclesia to have. Then it all started to come together in my head. I was justifying selling the piano because I wanted a macbook. How terrible is that? I wasn't truly surrendering my "things." I was just shifting them to something I could better justify.

Well I decided to donate my piano to Ecclesia (they have a recording studio and piano teacher who can use them along with the worship leaders). How strange that I would get that email about bringing it down for them to borrow. And how sad that it was probably the only way God was going to get my to realize my greed.

I don't guess that there is really a life lesson here. I guess it's just the idea that as I start to feel like I am getting somewhere in the way I live life, I find another layer of selfishness, another layer of greed, another layer of marginalizing my brethren.

I guess the farther we dig the deeper we go, the more we scrape off, the more we shine God. Will I be able to get over the disappointment of never reaching wholeness?

I may always be disappointed in myself, but I have friends who I will be amazed by daily.

Today we blessed a friend of mine to service in India for 6 months. Blossom is an amazing person. I have known her for one whole week, and I already consider her a good friend. After meeting one night for dinner with a number of other friends she invited me to her going away party. I didn't even know much about her going away. She is giving up seeking her own pleasure and comfort to go help thousands of women and children in Calcutta.

I couldn't be more proud to count her as a friend. I have much to learn from her.

So where does this leave me? I am rarely proud of myself, but always of others. Is this a Christlike attitude? or a Puritan self-esteem issue?

I guess in the end it doesn't matter. As long as I am scraping off the crap... as long as I let a little more God shine out every day... as long as I learn from friends like Blossom what it means to be Christ to the world... as long as I love, I am growing.

After all, its a journey, not a destination.

First I want to apologize to all of the Snod Bloggins fans out there. All 1.5 million of you. Ok, more like 1.5 of you. I have not blogged for nearly two days now. I guess that's really not that long. I also want to apologize because this is a nearly impossible to read post. Good luck trying. My heart was trying to say something. I'm not sure I know what.

I am in a weird season as you have all been aware of. I feel the need to do. To do something. To do anything. But I don't do. We never do...do. (Ha, I said doodoo) So how do we break the cycle? Kierkegaard's quote is still burning a hole in me. I am described perfectly by a man who lived nearly two hundred years before me.

Typing that depresses me. If we haven't changed in 200 years, or even 2000 years will we ever? Are we moving forward? at all?

But even with all of this pessimism I can't not do. I have to do. But I don't do.

And now we're back to the start.

We think. We study. We know. We don't do.

What a terrible formula. We view this like a chemical reaction. Add some ideas, a little conviction, some study, some knowledge, and it yields doing.

The thought process is that we must understand to do. I don't know if that is true. Did the disciples understand? Cause they ask some stupid questions if they did. But they did do. And they didn't do. But at least they did do sometimes.

I don't know if doing is the cake we get from a recipe. I think that these are all important and equal aspects of a healthy life.

Maybe we have just been hiding behind thinking, studying, and knowing this whole time like Kierkegaard says. Maybe we don't want to do after all. Maybe the sacrifice is too much. Too much to save a dying child. Too much to help a woman out of prostitution. Too much to minister to war crimes victims. Maybe we say we want to do, but we don't. After all, if we did want to, we would... right?

We talk ourselves out of doing. We ignore (which is an ignored sin in itself). We avoid. We devalue people. We justify (unjustly).

We're too busy. Too far away. Too different. Too weak. Too small. Too insignificant to make a difference.


It's funny, I'm starting to find that true community is very common in homeless or poor people. People who don't have. Community is rare where people have what they need. "Why would we ever need someone else when we can provide everything for ourselves?" The beauty of community is that it makes life easier on everyone. A beauty we have lost as we preach our gospel of self-sufficiency and financial independence. "Please, let us get more so we can learn to rely on ourselves more. "

Where did we go wrong? How do we get back? Can we get back? Can we do anything?

I don't know.


But I have to try.


Its all I can do.

Dreadful it is to fall into the hands of the living God!

These words of Kierkegaard have taken on new meaning in my life. I have been in an awfully tumultuous place spiritually as of late. God is moving violently in me lately and I am pulled so many directions I don't know which is(are) the correct one(s).

One of these directions is how do I view church, which church should I attend, should I attend a church, or just plan on having "church" within a small community. Shane Claiborne has this to say about church and I find the quote he uses humorous.

There are congregations on nearly every corner. I'm not sure we need more churches. What we really need is a church. I say one church is better than fifty. I have tried to remove the plural form churches from my vocabulary, training myself to think of the church as Christ did, and as the early Christians did. The metaphors for her are always singular - a body. a bride. I heard one gospel preacher say it like this, as he really wound up and broke a sweat:
"We've got to unite ourselves as one body. Because Jesus is coming back, and he's coming back for a bride, not a harem."

I guess this is a good view of church. But it won't ever happen, we will never be "one body." Or will we? We have to at least try right? What does that mean? What does that look like?

I don't know.

Hopefully some day I will.

I know that part of being the church in the first century meant taking care of the poor and oppressed. What has happened today? We still claim this as a function of the church, but are the poor really being cared for? Brought into the community? Are the walls of separation being torn down? Or are we still holding on to our possessions and avoiding the words of the New Testament and the (dreadful) hands of the living God?

Basil of Caesarea, who started some of the first christian hospice houses, hospital type places, and schools, was passionate about taking care of the poor, sick and oppressed.

When someone strips a man of his clothes, we call him a thief. And one who might clothe the naked and does not- should not he be given the same name? The bread in your cupboard belongs to the hungry; the coat in your wardrobe belongs to the naked; the shoes you let rot belong to the barefoot; the money in your vaults belongs to the destitute.


If you belong to Christ, then you belong to the poor.

Bad Things

Why do bad things happen? I've asked this question, and heard others ask it. I'm not sure if I've ever heard it answered well. Until today. I'm sure this thought isn't new, but it's the first time I've heard it.

This is from Shane Claiborne's "Irresistible Revolution" which comes highly recommended by me.

I remember hearing about an old comic strip back in the days of St. Ed's. Two guys are talking to each other, and one of them asks why God allows all of this poverty and war and suffering to exist in the world. And his friend says, "well, why don't you ask?" The fellow shakes his head and says he is scared. When his friend asks why, he mutters, "I'm scared God will ask me the same question." Over and over, when I ask God why all of these injustices are allowed to exist in the world, I can feel the Spirit whisper to me, "You tell me why we allow this to happen. You are my body, my hands, my feet."

Powerful words. We are the reason bad things are allowed to go unanswered in the world. We are the reason bad things are happening. When we aren't the oppressor we ignore the oppressed. When bad things happen we don't try to fix them or even just lessen the consequences. When bad things happen we run and hide behind our theology and study. We hide from how scripture actually challenges us to live. Soren Kierkegaard has some great words on the subject (among many others, I recommend his book "Training in Christianity" [a treatise on the institutionalism of the church, and the refusal of believers to live as Christ-followers])

The matter is quite simple. The Bible is very easy to understand. But we Christians are a bunch of scheming swindlers. We pretend to be unable to understand it because we know very well that the minute we understand, we are obliged to act accordingly. Take any words in the New Testament and forget everything except pledging your self to act accordingly. My God, you will say, if I do that my whole life will be ruined. How would I ever get on in the world? Herein lies the real place of Christian scholarship. Christian scholarship is the Church's prodigious invention to defend itself against the Bible, to ensure that we can continue to be good Christians without the Bible coming too close. Oh, priceless scholarship, what would we do without you? Dreadful it is to fall into the hands of the living God, Yes, it is even dreadful to be alone with the New Testament.

Maybe it's time to listen to scripture, to hear the radical call, and to go.

New Monasticism

No matter what you want to call it (simple way, new monasticism, missional living, communal living) it is becoming a quiet underground revolution. For a long time now our non-protestant brethren and sistren have been serving at great sacrifice.

They call themselves the catholic workers movement. I was under the impression (having worked in one of their houses for just a single day) that the organization had become secular. Of course that was back when I used the word secular.

It was a relatively stinky place, and old house in a poor neighborhood, badly in need of paint. No air-conditioning in the middle of Houston summer. There were many people sitting around or rummaging through their packs in the house, sitting on a mixture of old antiques and cheap furniture. Everyone there was homeless (or at least in severe need). Most of them had a glazed look in their eyes. They didn't seem to look at you but through you to something behind you. They didn't even recognize your existence.

It was a strange place. I had a very uneasy feeling about me. I was quickly corralled into the kitchen where every step caused the roaches to stir. It was an incredibly insanitary place, pots from the day before were rinsed quickly and used again, if a utensil fell on the floor there was hardly time to wipe it. We made soup and vegetables and chicken. Lots of it. The kitchen must have been in the 100s because it was much cooler outside in the mid 90s.

While cooking I chatted it up a bit with the workers in between wiping my brow and stirring corn. Two of the three were professing pagans. I wondered. It was a bit of problem to me then. Now I realize that God's work is God's work, it doesn't matter who does it. It just is unfortunate that in the USA most christians get it less than the pagans. (I'm using pagans, even with its terrible connotations because I hate the word non-believer even more)

Anywho, they did great work for people in great need and did it at great sacrifice in their own lives. I want to be a part of that. I want to be a part of the christianity that says, "hey, we have way too much. Let's give it all up to help other people." It means sacrificing the American Dream. It means not making as much as my parents, and not caring. It means taking the excess that God has gifted me with, and using it generously on his children. We are God's chosen people. Not a people chosen to live in eternal bliss with God, but a people chosen to redeem the rest of the world because God first redeemed us.

Shane Claiborne has started a group called The Simple Way. He has a book called irresistible revolution. Go buy it, and read it. These people have sacrificed so much, but also gained so much through authentic community, with believers and pagans. This might not be for everyone, I am willing to entertain that thought. But everyone should be moving this direction. How can live without even wont in our lives, when we see people every day who live with needs not being met? How can we take the gifts God has given us, and squander them on ourselves.

I'm not saying it is bad to have. Having is good, God gives us things to enjoy. But when we enjoy much at he expense of others enjoying at all, there is a flaw in the system.

I have heard it said (I'm not sure of the legitimacy of this, and have not the energy to look it up now, so take it with a grain of salt) that in the OT times the Jews would give their ten percent tithe to the church. The first ten percent of their harvests. That ten percent then went into the temple funds in order to throw the most throwdest parties you've ever seen. The jews knew how to party. It was the other 90% that they were supposed to live off of and take care of the widows, orphans, and sick. The 90% was for missions and charity. We have flip flopped it. Now our 10% is what goes towards the missions of the church and charity worldwide. And the 90% somehow becomes exclusively ours.

At Ecclesia every week we have a group reading before we take the eucharist. It is a responsive reading and part of it goes something like this.

Lord, you give as to fulfill our needs.
But we greedily hoard as if your well will run dry.

These words have penetrated my soul. They resonate with my inmost being. God continually gives to me out of his goodness, and I buy a house, and a car, and a piano, and a dog, and a computer, and 16 year old single malt scotch from the highlands of scotland. None of these things are bad (except the dog when she chews on stuff), but when I claim them in the name of Scott, hardly learn to enjoy them, and then move on to the next thing without surrendering the last, I am living in sin.

Pray for me to leave this life of sinful hoarding. Pray for me to contemplate my role in the body of Christ. Pray for me to be wise in my spending, wise in my decisions and abounding with love.

Change is a comin'

I am thinking about joining a group of missional christians and moving into a poor neighborhood. Committing to live at a low income level and using the rest for the community (especially the homeless). Pray for me.

More to come tomorrow.

My Friend Curtis

Curtis is a simple kind man. I've known him for two weeks now. He is very friendly. He has a short white beard, wears sweatpants and smiles without ceasing.

I wish you could all know my friend Curtis, he isn't angry at anyone, cares enough about people to remember their names, and has a servants heart.

Curtis works at the southwest corner of Tidwell and 59. He pumps gas (which I believe is illegal) and cleans windows for people visiting the Shell station.

I don't understand how Curtis is always happy. I don't understand why he isn't mad at me. I don't understand why he would wash my windows for me when i'm not looking, and then tell me not to worry about it when I tell him I don't have any cash. I can't figure out why Curtis would want to have anything to do with me.

See I have lots, and waste much. Curtis has nothing. The first time I met Curtis it was the first cool night of the year. He didn't even have a long sleeved shirt on. The workers at the gas station were kind enough to let him wash windows for money, but wouldn't let him hang out inside. He stood by the door to catch a blast of heat every time someone walked in or out.

Curtis and I got to talking tonight. About how people in the suburbs have too much (I really did most of the talking, Curtis is great at listening), and how they waste lots of it. Curtis didn't get angry, or bitter. He got serious. His smile disappeared. I'm putting thoughts in Curtis' brain here because he didn't say anything else, but I think Curtis was sad for the suburbanites, and how they had life so upside-down.

I have lived and worked in the suburbs for most of my life, and I know plenty of unhappy people (don't tell anyone, but I've been one most of my life too). How does it work that Curtis, who has serious needs that aren't being met fully, can be happy and smile and enjoy his interaction with me, while someone who lives in the suburbs and doesn't know what need is, is always unhappy. I have not known need in my life, my needs have always been met (I have hardly known wont in my life). How can this man be happy? Maybe it goes back to my quote in my previous post (consumerism) from Mclaren, who talks about how we seek quantity and don't truly learn to enjoy things. Things are good, and are for enjoyment, but we just seek more of them, not true enjoyment of them.

I really truly want anyone who is driving by to stop off and see if Curtis is in. He is usually there on Sunday nights. Curtis said he can always use clothes. I'm sure he would enjoy warm leftovers as well.

hand of god

Tonight on my way home from class I drove home in one of the most amazing lightning storms I have ever seen.

There were fingers of lightning reaching out across the sky like hands, repeatedly. It was almost as if the hands were working in the clouds, and we could only see them as the light shined on them.

I suddenly had this weird feeling that God was saying something. It was like he was reminding me that he is constantly moving in the world around me. That there were miraculous things he was doing, even if they can be explained by science, they are still no less miraculous.

Then on farther along I came upon two wrecks, more lights, the bad kind. Nobody seemed to be too terribly hurt, but it was a reminder of the broken nature of the world. Then when I got to Second Baptist's Kingwood campus I saw more lights. The entire campus was surrounded by fire trucks and ambulances.

At this point the rain had died down some. It looked like the church had been struck by lightning and a few people had been hurt somehow in the aftermath (fire?).

Then farther along a fire station had been hit by lightning and there were fire trucks there making sure nothing was going wrong with the gas.


I have been troubled lately, and I think that this is part of my subconscious reminding me of my troubles.

I have been struggling with how a just and loving God can use violence. God commands Israel to destroy every person in some of the towns they come upon. How can the God that I love, who is changing me (a former war hawk) into a pacifist more every day, be so seemingly violent at times.

There is nothing more saddening than reading a voice that speaks into your life (Brian Mclaren) start to address a topic upon which you have questions and are passionate about (God's nature possibly violent?) only to attempt to answer the questions and fail. This one is sitting on my heart heavy tonight.

Consumerism

I know, I know, you're getting tired of all of my ranting about isms. (Patrick at least is.)

Well I think this one is destroying the church.

Main Entry: con·sum·er·ism
Pronunciation: k&n-'sü-m&-"ri-z&m, -m&r-"i-
Function: noun
1 : the promotion of the consumer's interests
2 : the theory that an increasing consumption of goods is economically desirable; also : a preoccupation with and an inclination toward the buying of consumer goods


We will be looking at both definitions.

The first definition helps us understand consumeristic christianity. Today most people look at the church for what they get out of it. They join a church for the great children's program, or the single's ministry. They weight the commodities of different churches and then choose the one that is heaviest in their concerns.

This all goes back to our good friend Novatian. He lived in the first half of the 3rd century during a period of intense Roman persecution. Many of the christian leaders at the time recanted, handed over scripture to be burned, and allied themselves somewhat with Rome to avoid the destruction of the church, and their own martyrdom. When the persecutions lessened many of the leaders were reinstated. Novatian did not believe they should be in leadership after these sins they had committed so publicly.

Thus Novatian really created the first denomination. Essentially he started the practice of splitting from the church to start another when brethren (and sister...then...sisterthen...sistren?) could not agree. Novatianism is the idea that splitting the church is the way to solve the problem. We have Novatian to blame for the reformation and denominations (not that it couldn't have happened without his influence).

When we look at churches as different bodies within a community that offer different things we have already far down the path of division. Church should be the body of believers limited by geography, not belief.

Now we must not ignore the problem, but deal with it. How can we reform consumeristic Christianity? Churches must stop catering to the needs of believers in order to attract the largest gathering possible. Somewhere along the line the church (institution) decided that it needed to pander to the believers every need, rather than lead a body of people in the same direction toward the kingdom of God.




Definition two

2 : the theory that an increasing consumption of goods is economically desirable; also : a preoccupation with and an inclination toward the buying of consumer goods

This one speaks directly into my life a little more. A lot of the changes God has been causing in my heart deal either directly or indirectly with this thought. I am obsessed with having things, not even with the things themselves, but with having and using them.

I am not the wisest spender because of it. I must have whatever it is I want, and then when I have it, I move on to the next thing. I don't even enjoy the things I have because of my insatiable lust for more things. Brian Mclaren pretty much draws my heart in a book when he says,

"One acquires more and more things without ever taking the time to ever see and know them, and thus one never truly enjoys them. One has without truly having. The consumer is right -there is pleasure to be had in good things, a sacred and almost unspeakable pleasure: but the consumer wrongly thinks that one finds this pleasure by having more and more possessions instead of by possessing them more truly through grateful contemplation. And here we are, living in an economy that perpetuates this tragedy. And outrage! A pity."



So where do we go from here? We learn to love and enjoy the things god has created and trusted us with, rather than just lusting for more and newer things. We squeeze every last drop of god's goodness from our possessions, never possessing them for our own selfish lust, but for god's goodness.

Man builds box, God doesn't fit.

That's my best one so far.

Patrick and I came upon an interesting creative exercise yesterday. One I would encourage you to enter on your own. If you come up with anything you like. Please post it in the comments.

I was reading Wired Magazine and in the issue they asked a number of authors and science fiction affiliated people to write 6 word science fiction short stories. Here are some of my favorites.

machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time -Alan Moore

Failed SAT. Lost scholarship. Invented rocket. -William Shatner

Wasted day, wasted life, dessert please. -Steven Meretzky

With bloody hands, I say good-bye. -Frank Miller

It cost too much, staying human. -Bruce Sterling

The baby's blood type? Human, mostly. -Orson Scott Card

Time machine reaches future! ...nobody there... -Harry Harrison


So last night Patrick and I decided to try to sum up christianity in one of these "short stories."

We soon figured out that it was very tough. If you don't come up with any good ones summing up all of christianity, focus on an aspect of it. Patrick kept trying to fit in Noah's ark because of some weird psychological obsession he has with it. Here are a few of the others we came up with.

God creates, man breaks, God redeems.

Science proven true, God still exists.

Jesus saves, Nike endorsement, game over. (this one's satirical if you didn't get it)

Same old torn jeans, new patch. (this is my favorite one)

It was a very interesting creative exercise and I would like to see what you out there in blogdom come up with.

The North Valley High Fighting Jesi!

Brian Mclaren asks an important question. He wonders if we have reduced the role of Jesus in christianity to that of mascot. Have we lost the figure of Christ as Lord, and turned him into buddy jesus whose only purpose is our salvation (in the evangelical sense of the word).

Mclaren says

"Jesus defined his own identity not as being served, but as giving his life in service, and in this way, acknowledging Jesus as master means one voluntarily "takes his yoke" and learns from Jesus how to serve God, plus one's neighbor, plus one's enemy, and so the whole world. Confessing Jesus as Lord means joining his revolution of love and living in this revolutionary way.

How many children in Sunday school learn that radical sense of Christian servant identity as opposed to 'Christians are nice people who know the truth and do good. Non-Christians are bad people who don't/ Therefore we need to avoid non-Christians or convert them as fast as possible or try to pass laws to keep them under control and protect ourselves from them- until we can escape them forever in heaven?'"

If I seem to be loving on Mclaren a bit much it is because I am reading A Generous Or+hodoxy.

Mclaren also reminds us that salvation in the OT often came as judgment. Israel desperately sought for God to remove the sin and injustice from themselves. Today we may seek only the avoidance of hell (if it even exists).

Why has christianity become such an otherworldly focused place. Jesus came and spoke of a better place, with better days. Maybe he meant a place here on earth. Maybe (see NT Wright on this one) Christ spoke of the kingdom of heaven coming to earth and meant himself. Maybe Jesus focus was for us to see that we can bring qualities of God here to earth. When we love, when we serve, we are being Christ to the world. Sounds like Heaven on earth to me.

I can't wait to get a macbook so I can blog as I think about things. I had an idea, this morning, that I convinced myself was important and probably would single handedly fix all of the worlds problems. I forgot it on the way home from breakfast... Such is the life of an unaccomplished blogger.

My Brain

My brain has been moving about a million light years a second these days (light years a second...?) but for the past few days it has been at a standstill. Not like writers block where you beg your mind to be creative in any sense, but in the sense that I have not been mentally passionate about many topics. God is giving me some time to let all of the knowledge He is imparting on me settle in some.

As you have possibly (but probably not) read in my previous blogs I am leaning towards taking a vow of relative poverty and living out a missional existance in the community of Montrose (Houston) and starting a homeless ministry. I have had amazing feedback from a few people already involved and really feel like God is leading me this way. Recently a nearly perfect job opportunity has opened itself to me and I interview on Tuesday for the spot.

God has been giving me time to think these things out. He has given me time to say ok... I feel the same way a lot of people involved in the emergent discussion do, now what am I going to do with those feelings. This time he won't let me get away with thinking "that type of life isn't for everyone... just the missionaries..."

This time God is forcing my hand, He is openly and wildly moving in my life (not that he wasn't before, but somehow it is more clear now). He won't let me get away with some cheap suburban excuse (not that the suburbs are inherently bad, they just seem to promote an awful style of thought).

I had so much passion before that I might not have seen the obstacles and sacrifice that was in the way. Today I realized many of the things I will be living without. A good friend today reminded me that while what we do is very important to God, what is more important is the condition of our hearts that leads us to do His work. Living in relative poverty for the sake of the homeless is ok... but realizing the crazy affluence that I live in (even as a youth minister) and deciding that "things" have become far too important to me is even more exciting to God to see in my life.

In the end, whether or not my ministry "fails" is not important. Listening to God lead me there is. I praise God that he has put people in my life, and has given me wisdom to understand these things.

I will post tomorrow about class, right now I am still digesting it.

Peace and Love

interesting quote from Scot McKnight stolen from emergentvillage.com

“Here’s my point: if you narrow the emerging movement to Emergent Village, and especially to the postmodernist impulse therein, you can probably dismiss this movement as a small fissure in the evangelical movement. But, if you are serious enough to contemplate major trends in the Church today, at an international level, and if you define emerging as many of us do — in missional, or ecclesiological terms, rather than epistemological ones — then you will learn quickly enough that there is a giant elephant in the middle of the Church’s living room. It is the emerging church movement and it is a definite threat to traditional evangelical ecclesiology.”

Enchiladas and Margaritas

Every Mexican restaurant should be judged on its Enchiladas and Margaritas.

Sure any kitchen can come up with one or two great dishes, but which restaurant kitchen can excel in these Mexican stalwarts? Who can take something as plain and basic as an enchilada and make it extraordinary?

Who can mix a margarita in perfect proportion? Who can make it sweet and salty and yet still let the tequila ring true?

As I sat there judging the restaurant against all other Mexican restaurants it hit me...

How are we judged as christians by the world?

I didn't judge the restaurant by how well the recipes were written, or by the bartenders knowledge of liquor. I judged it by its taste, its texture, its appearance, its smell. I used my senses to judge it. I experienced it.

Now when I think of the world and its opinion of Christianity it all makes sense. Many people who we have labeled as non-believers believe in much of what we do. They believe in sacrificing so that the poor and needy have more. They believe in loving other cultures. They believe in a greater good. But when they look at christians and they look at their own lives, they don't experience the same things.

They experience an other-worldly obsessed culture. One that doesn't really care how it lives on earth as long as it gets to live well on the other side of death.

They experience a group of people obsessed with writing, laws, knowledge, and belief which rarely acts on those ideas.

They experience judgement.

I couldn't help but notice the family sitting at the booth next to me. Every time the waiter walked away the father would remind him of their needs and give him more instructions. Then he would mumble about the waiter or "those hispanics" as he walked away. He was treated the man as something less than human. His waiter was not a father of four who was born in america struggling to raise his family as he knows best, even a christian possibly. His waiter was nothing better than a dog trained to serve his every need who he threw a few scraps too as he walked out the door.

How can we live this way? How can read scripture and study christ and live our lives this way? To me the message of Christ, more than anything else, is love. Love for everyone, but especially those who have not been given love, the oppressed and the poor.

This man in the booth next to me probably would identify himself as a Christian. Was I given an insight into the way the "nonbelievers" think today? I do not want to be identified in any way with what happened there. At the same time my identity is in christ, like theirs, and, I do make the same mistakes.

Is there a difference between me and that fellow? I am trying to not be him, but am I successful. Does the fact that I am trying make a difference? Christ talked about the heart behind our actions, but he also said we would be known by our actions.

I am sad for christianity. Can the wound we have given the world be healed?

Not if things continue the way they are. Change.